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Ashton & Demi: A Giant Step For Older Women?
So, Ashton Kucher, 27, and Demi Moore, 43, got married with herkids and ex-husband in attendance.
It's great! It's Bizarre! She's a cradle robber! It's a giantstep for older women!
Which one is it?
How about "A giant step for older women."
Well, almost.
It's not unusual for older female celebrities to hook up withmuch younger men. Fame and fortune are powerful magnets. But menare visual creatures. What happens after her beauty fades? Notto worry. Loss of a youthful appearance is no longer an issue.With the variety of cosmetic procedures now available women withample financial resources can look younger than springtime untilthe day they die.
To a shrewd, future-oriented man, an older woman with moneypromises long-term benefits. If her age is really "up there" hecan look forward to a bundle upon her demise. If therelationship or marriage doesn't last, he's likely to win ahefty settlement. So, what does a younger guy have to lose?
What's significant about the Moore-Kucher union is that it hasdriven one more nail in the coffin of the "older woman youngerman" taboo that "common folk" - older women seeking younger menbut not endowed with fame or money - have to deal with in theirquest for a suitable partner.
Sometime ago I gave a talk to a group of older women. After mypresentation, a woman I'll call Betty, came rushing up to sharethat she was 84, single, dating, and never tells her age.Furthermore, she had no use for men older than 60, and prefersthem younger than that. "I can't stand old geezers. They're alldead. They are living but they are dead, if you know what Imean" she explained in a confidential tone of voice.
I could understand why Betty preferred younger men. She lookedfabulous -- a trim figure, she was intelligent, her eyes lit upwhen she spoke, and she had beautiful smooth skin. Clearly, shehad it goin' on. She could easily pass for 60. Why would shewant to put up with a cranky old codger her age?
Here's the problem: When Betty finds someone with potential, andage comes up, Mr. Potential is gone. I suspect that if Betty hadmoney and celebrity, it would be a different story.
Let me relate a personal experience: At the pharmacy where Iwork, a customer I'll call Mr. Smooth, in his mid-fifties, madeit clear that he found me interesting, even though he knew I wasmarried. One day the local paper ran a story about my new bookand mentioned that I was 76. Before that, my age was
mostlyunknown because I never talked about it. The public disclosureof my age raised eyebrows, and whispers began at work. "She'sHOW old?" Formerly friendly male coworkers began looking theother way. Sheesh! Be seen talking to an old woman? The guyswill think there's something wrong with me.
Back to Mr. Smooth. He must have seen the story in the newspaperbecause soon after, he appeared at my prescription counter.Glaring at me with disdain and disgust, he blurted out, "I can'tbelieve you are as old as you are. I just CAN'T believe it!" Heturned around and strode away never to be seen again.
A woman's age matters to most men. Except when she's 18 and he's81. Then it's a different story. Society accepts it with aknowing look and a wink. If the relationship produces progeny,that's really, really cool --until the kids lose their fatherbefore their sixth birthday.
Betty has it right. She knows what she wants. She knows what shehas to offer. She's not allowing antediluvian age taboos tostand in her way of finding happiness. Withholding the number ofyears she has lived, and maintaining a youthful demeanor andattitude, she refuses to bear the stigma of "invisible olderwoman."
Joan Collins, Susan Sarandon, Tina Turner, Carol Burnett, MaryTyler Moore, Victoria Principal, and now, Demi Moore, havedefied convention and chosen younger men.
Eventually it will become chic for a fabulous older woman whodoesn't have a bank account or celebrity status to have arelationship with a fabulous younger man.
How can I predict that? Think about this. We are living longer,healthier lives. Yesterday's 60 is today's 40 for many women.Dr. Helen Harkness, in her book, Don't Stop the Career Clockreinforces that reality with her perception of aging chronologythat makes sense for today:
Young adulthood: 20-40 First midlife 40-60 Second midlife: 60-80Young-old: 80-90 Elderly: 90 and above Old-old: 2-3 years to live
Dr. Harkness's vision of the stages of aging may take a while tocatch on with mainstream thinking, but it will happen. In themeantime, fabulous older women looking for a guy who is stillalive and kicking should not tell their age. Happy hunting!
About the author:
Barbara Morris, R.Ph. is a pharmacist and recognized expert onanti-aging strategies. She is author of Put Old on Hold. Herwebsite is http://www.PutOldonHold.com. She can be seen on KCAL9 Los Angeles TV segment:http://cbs2.com/video/?id=9738@kcbs.dayport.com
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